The Power of Saying “No”
I’ve come to feel that the ability to say “no” in the mission-driven sector is a superpower.
Too often, we say “yes” to everything in the name of a worthy mission. We become cogs in this mission-fulfilling machine. We believe in the mission. We witness its profound impact firsthand. We spend our time and effort pursuing this mission in any way possible. We applaud folks for their relentless, mission-driven way of being. We call it passion, commitment, and alignment. We list this mission-hungriness as a top qualification in nonprofit job descriptions. It has become a must-have.
Don’t get me wrong, I love mission-driven work. It allows us to pour our energy into something bigger than ourselves, do something positive for the community, and somehow make this wild world that we live in a little brighter, a little better.
What I don’t love is the culture created by this mission-on-a-pedestal-at-all-times approach. Under the seemingly indisputable guise of “doing it for our mission,” a culture of yes, yes, yes, and more, more, more will come. If you work in the nonprofit sector, you can likely feel, smell, and taste what I mean by this. It’s that constant promise to over-deliver, the robust inflation of the budget year over year without a real plan or the internal resources to get there, and this unspoken assumption that maintaining your programs and services is the equivalent to failure—it’s scale or bust. And let’s not forget that that this regularly happens atop backdrop of lower than industry standard pay, an expectation of being on-call around-the-clock, and a modest benefits package. Oh, and while using a laptop that only works when it’s plugged in at a certain angle and is vigorously shaken over your head every hour.
It’s counterintuitive. These glorified nonprofit cultures of yes, yes, yes, and more, more, more—all in the name of the mission—lead to burnout. This is when organizations plummet from thriving to just surviving to, ultimately, flat out unsustainable. That’s no good. Our mission and our work shine when we are thriving. So how do we uphold our mission while nurturing a culture of thrivability?
I think one important way is by learning to say “no”—so that you can confidently say “yes” when it really matters.
First consider: when’s the last time you’ve said “no” within your mission-driven work? No to a funding opportunity? No to a Board member? No to launching a new program? No to the budget goal you’ve been assigned? No to taking on the responsibilities of your recently resigned colleague without extra pay? No to that “urgent” phone call just ringing away while you’re on vacation?
And yet, a “no” can be perfectly appropriate in all of these situations. Some funding needs to be turned down, particularly when it comes with questionable strings attached, unrealistic expectations, or ties to other causes that directly go against your mission. Board members can have great ideas, but they are not on the ground and sometimes need to be reminded that no, the staff has literally no capacity to make that idea happen anytime soon. New programs can be excellent and exciting, but not when they are demanded with such a sense of urgency or a new funder-imposed expectation or lack of staffing that they can’t be envisioned, planned for, and implemented well. Budget goals require actionable plans to succeed, and if there are no plans or no plans to make plans, it’s already unattainable. Lastly, a friendly reminder that you should always get paid for your labor and have the ability to disconnect on your paid time off—even if the nonprofit chatter tries to make you feel guilty about these very reasonable employee expectations.
So where do we start? We can start with ourselves and our ability to begin saying no in instances like these. This is especially critical when we know that “no” is the right, equitable, and/or sustainable answer. However, we all enter our boundary-setting era from a different place in terms of our comfort, and that’s ok. A decade ago, I would have never dared to say no to anything listed above—not one thing. That is no longer the case. Spoiler alert: I’m healthier, happier, and am making more impact on mission-driven organizations today than I ever have. This doesn’t mean it was easy. It was quite uncomfortable for me at first and absolutely still is sometimes. Yes, I received push back and some fairly serious repercussions along the way.
However, I stand by every “no” I’ve uttered and every boundary I’ve set. This is because I noticed change. First, I recognized change within myself and how I was able to better to show up and apply my energy towards my mission-driven work while also – GASP! – prioritizing my mental and physical health. Then, I witnessed my team begin to speak up more, ask for what they needed, share their beliefs, and communicate their concerns and ideas. Today, I’m connected with a handful of nonprofits through my consulting work and am continually amazed to see the ways in which each of them are intentionally (and differently) working to create more sustainable, thriving cultures. This has reminded me of that long, yet meaningful, path to real change. It begins with each of us as individuals, expands throughout organizations, ripples out across the field, then the sector, and, eventually, can cause systemic shifts.
For those of you inspired to start saying “no” more—whether it’s for you or your organization or the sector at large—here are some supportive reminders:
Setting boundaries is healthy! 🙂
If saying “no” feels too overwhelming or confrontational, thinking of it from asset-framing position may help. By this I mean that with every “no” comes a “yes” to something else. “No” to answering calls on your vacation is actually a “yes” to prioritizing a healthy work/life balance. “No” to a stated budget goal can be a “yes” to you and your team developing a more attainable goal with an action plan. “No” to a funder or donor can be a “yes” to affirming your organization’s values or honoring your team’s capacity.
Sometimes a “no” doesn’t have to be a firm “no.” A “not now” can be just as effective.
If you’re in a management or leadership position, you have team members observing you and your behavior whether you realize it or not. Set an example that you’re proud of, even if it’s hard. Those direct reports will be the next leaders in the field!
When in doubt, ask for help. You don’t aways have to say “no” alone. In fact, a collective “no” is powerful.
Funders and donors and Board members should be partners in your work, they do not (or should not) dictate you work. Make sure you’ve collected these types of funders, donors, and Board members and that you are having honest dialogues and setting clear expectations with them. You’ll notice that you won’t have to say “no” as often.
Happy boundary-setting!
P.S. If you’re at an org that has found ways to make “no” a part of your culture—please be in touch. I’d love to learn more from your experiences.
